my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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