i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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