his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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