remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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