I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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