Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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