i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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