The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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