Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
