oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.