Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.