Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE