Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence