You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory