You smell like stripper and shame
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"