she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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