plz talk dirty to me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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