I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
