I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
