it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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