can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
