im holly from the hills drunk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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