at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
