My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
