if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now