Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
thus making me awesome and them whores
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.