piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...