Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
