that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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