PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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