and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
