Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sorry my hands just texted you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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