At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
