What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
