It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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