Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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