Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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