I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
