U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
