im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
