I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
