She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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