i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
