Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize