he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
