i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
