I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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