Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
