I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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