I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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