Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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