Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
what day is it and did you see me today?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
