I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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