I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
