I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
