Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
