adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
