i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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