i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
