chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
