ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
two words...techno handjob
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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