my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
