I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
