You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
