we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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