Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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