Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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