Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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