What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
