I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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