I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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