God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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