Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
