whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
