He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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