there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want nice things and good sex
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
