You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
