Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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