I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time