i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm