at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..