I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon