I wish life had little blips of pornography
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets