I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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